All Episodes

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Dune: Our Friends the Worms

October 14, 2021

They said it couldn’t be done, but we did it!  That’s right - in ONE episode, we manage to discuss all 800 pages of the sci-fi classic Dune, by Frank Herbert.  Today as a guest, we have the world’s greatest Dunespert!  (No, not Frank Herbert.)  Rachel virtue signals about gummy diversity.  Jackie explains K-pop boys to us.  Theo realizes he’s had two Fremen by his side all along. Topics include: GumbyxPokey, the best athlete’s foot medication, David Lynch, Timothée Chalamet, Sting, heterosexuality, spoilers, sperm rights, Dr. Purple Lips, the New Jersey of space, Jimmy Stewart voice, dragon seduction in Dungeons & Dragons, a true Jessica, the weirding way & the weirding woman, ichthyosaurs, servant time, Stinky the Hutt, Big Brother the Hutt, Hutt-shaming, riding the worm, concubators, an original book idea, and book juice.  Content warning: eugenics, sexism, racism, fatphobia, pedophilia

Lovecraft’s The Whisperer in Darkness: A Conversation with Author Ruthanna Emrys

October 7, 2021

Today we have a special guest: Ruthanna Emrys, author of the neo-Lovecraftian Innsmouth Legacy series.  Ruthanna gives us a quick rundown of H.P. Lovecraft’s life and work, and we have a great time discussing The Whisperer in Darkness, starring our most gullible protagonist yet (and maybe some aliens???). Topics include: brains in jars, Star Trek vs Star Wars, Orlando Bloom, secret fish people ancestry, human skin suits, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, cutting-edge migraine treatments. Content warning: animal death, body horror, racism, sexism, antisemitism

Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man: Electronic Jaculas

September 30, 2021

Today, (most of) the gang reads a short story by Dostoevsky, in which a ridiculous man has a significant dream and won’t shut up about it.  Theo is a birthday boy producer!  Jackie is too old for a milk carton yet too young for a Smuckers jar.  Rachel is insulted by someone who should really know better.  Topics include: the 3 host problem, Wheaties, Count Chocula, Dracula Weekly, Drac of the Month, Got Milk ads, convoluted insults, Colossal D, dead Russian juice, inhuman plumbers, Super Mario, the humanity of Italians, Lil Wayne, the Human Centipede (yes, again), Jay-Z and Pushkin, Russian Orthodoxy, birthday exhumations, Gogol, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Mormonism, Twilight, Eloise, Skipperdee, and Weenie/Ouini, Pinocchémon, The Sixth Sense, Ready or Not, butt-ass, and King Philips. Content warning: extended discussion of suicide

Wuthering Heights Finale: Enough Mush for Two

September 23, 2021

In this episode, we wrap up the final 9 chapters of Wuthering Heights. Things get weird! Like… so weird it’s honestly astonishing this was written before the advent of the internet. Theo doesn’t know anything about wrestling. Jackie exercises her right to womanterrupt. Rachel has a slight falling out with Nelly Dean. And unfortunately for Jackie, our pronunciation consultant Joshua strikes again. Topics include: Haley Joel Osment, The Sixth Sense, AI, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Charlie Kauffman, snake huggability, marsh holes, rustic himbos, the ideal FTC audience member, our pronunciation consultant, the afterlife, Anna Karenina, the Great Gatsby, Atonement, and Romeo and Juliet.  Content warnings: suicidal ideation,  domestic abuse, death

Wuthering Heights 2: Minchin’ and Munchin’

September 16, 2021

In this episode, chapters 10 through 24 are no match for the fearless FTC gang, who continue to unravel the gothic, ghostly tale of Cathy and Heathcliff, along with the useless Mr. Lockwood and the shrewd housekeeper Nelly, who everyone agrees is a huge meddler. Is she a hapless rube forced into the middle of the action by those stronger than her, or is she simply a messy bitch who loves drama? Rachel finds a huge bag of donuts. Jackie proves she can continue a joke train forever. Theo cries over spilled milk. Topics include: bad juju, throat punches, the ethical treatment of composers, horse changes, brain fevers, cousin love triangles, going all fuckin’ Sherlock Holmes mode, and embarrassing teenage love notes.  Content warning: death, violence, domestic abuse, animal cruelty